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The Dirty Secrets Chinese Dating Sites Don’t Want You to Know

Continued from yesterday

It turned out his girlfriend had already paid the 1,000rmb to meet him, and really wanted to avoid paying the 10,000rmb if they got married. So she came up with a plan for him to break up with “her” on QQ, so that they could continue dating without the companies knowledge.

Otherwise she knew the company would come looking for their money, it had happened to her friend who married an Australian through the same company. The company had convinced this friend that her new foreign husband could pay, “Just tell him your family needs money, and get mad if he refuses,” the company had said, “To foreigners it isn’t very much money.”

My friend was OK with this idea, even though it meant they were cheating a company out of a contract, he just saw it as honesty on his girlfriends part. She had been told by the dating service to never tell him about the company, or else he would surely break up with her. I couldn’t believe that my friend was continuing with the relationship, but he thought they already had a solid foundation.

That was until he started asking her more questions about their future life, and her answers made no sense at all. Finally he asked her if she had written any of the emails that had caused him to fall in love with her, “No,” she said, “But they did show them to me after they sent them.”

She was quiet a few minutes before she dropped the next bombshell. “Remember my sister that was with us on the first date?” she asked, “That was actually someone from the company. I had never seen your picture before that, because they had to make sure they could get the 1,000rmb meeting fee.”

“But you had told me that you wanted me to shave my beard just for you, even though I have had one for nearly 40 years,” He said, stroking his beard as if to remind himself that it was in deed still there.

“I never said that! I don’t mind the beard, even though it does make you look old,” she said.

“Did you know I had been divorced twice?” he asked, he had told her this in his very first email. “No,” she said, looking disappointed.

It turned out that not only was the dating company writing all of the emails for his girlfriend, but that they were also editing the emails my friend had sent her to ensure that they would want to get married. To the company it made no difference if the couple was happy or not, they simply wanted their money.

The couple continued dating for a few months after this exchange after tricking the company into believing that they had broken up. Ultimately though the cultural differences were to great for them to overcome with their limited vocabulary.


9 Comments

  1. […] Seeing Red in China The Middle Kingdom Made Easy Skip to content HomeAbout MeComplete ArchiveSuggested SitesChina Books to ReadThe Best China MoviesMap of China ← A Very Different Look at Intercultural Dating in China The Dirty Secrets Chinese Dating Sites Don’t Want You to Know → […]

  2. Chopstik says:

    I suspect this would apply to far more than just finding a Chinese wife spouse. The issues with trying to find any spouse or mate online are typically pretty daunting (in spite of what any number of dating websites would have you believe). Those issues become amplified when trying to find someone with the sort of linguistic and cultural differences that are found in these sorts of relationships and one must be wary, at best, of trying to succeed at finding the perfect mate in this scenario. This is not to suggest it does not or cannot work but there are many significant barriers that have to be overcome.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I’m a native Chinese myself and I do know about this situation pretty well. It is a common practice for most Chinese dating sites (both domestic and international) like these to feature themselves as “sites for high-end people”, in simple words, “OMG WE HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF SUCCESSFUL MEN HERE”. It makes sense since most of the Chinese females that actually BOTHERED to sign up on such sites are the ones that never stops dreaming about hooking up with some sugar daddies. Seriously, this is what they’re really after. Don’t be fooled 😛

  4. John Book says:

    All this sure makes me happy I found my Japanese wife in church in Japan and knew and later dated her for a combined 3 1/2 years before I proposed. Both of us speak English as she worked for an American company for 20 years. Both of us have the same Christian faith. These two, in my opinion, are super critical in a successful marriage! (A third is similar likes and dislikes, NOT the same, just some similar.) A fourth is similar tastes in food. This can be a real stumbling block if you let it!

    Not using the net to find a mate is also a good thing. Having some common friends who are really common friends helps a lot too.

    Getting married at this guy’s age prevents so much quality time to know someone else. I married in my early 50s after a divorce. I sometimes wish I’d known my wife and experienced some ” growing up” with her in earlier times together.

    Anyway, great articles!!!! Keep it going good sir.

  5. […] The dirty secrets Chinese dating sites don’t want you to know […]

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  7. Daryl says:

    I am 51yr old Australian and my Chinese wife is 47yrs of age. I met her on Chinese lovelinks where you join up and do the rest yourself. We basicaly went onto skype not long after meeting. I too whish i had known her when we were both younger. She is a great wife and person. In the article no one had mentioned the honesty of this lady to tell the man what had transpired. She would have been initialy mis-led but then tried to make good of the situation. A pity it did not work.

  8. Sam says:

    It seems like I have had a similar experience. One “lady” that I have been in contact with for several months has always given me the story that the “agency” has blocked out my information. I still continued conversation with this “lady” because I believed she was sincere and that it was the agency’s handling of us that was at fault. I also really enjoyed the conversations. I received many pictures from my “lady”. She was probably not interested in me for quite some time and possibly handed me over to the agency. I wish I would have read your article earlier, as I gave this person the benefit of the doubt far too long. After many tries, I had finally managed to get information through, after which she promptly ignored me and went on to block me when I asked her a question.
    Something to be learned from this. If your “lady” seems to have an excuse for not giving you information, photos or her alternate email address, she either isn’t really interested in you, or a fake. Save yourself the hassle and frustration and move on after a few tries. Beware of ladies that aren’t forthcoming with natural photos and make sure you have ample photos of yourself that you can send, just to be fair.

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